I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
