before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize