Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
