i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
