Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
