I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
