his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
