Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
