Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
