I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
