spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
