kristin has been a bad kristin
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
