The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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