Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
