we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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