Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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