i already hear my dad disowning me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
