community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
