i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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