my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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