Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
