I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
