Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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