omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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