Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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