A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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