I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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