is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
