I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
