Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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