yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
