i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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