i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
