my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
