And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
