I'm so fucking centered right now
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
