Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i now understand why vodka
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
