I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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