toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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