I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
