the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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