he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
