I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
