I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There r osticjed everywhere
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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