My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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