sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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