Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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