I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
