Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
