Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How's work?
Spinning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
