Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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