Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
