Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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