So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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