ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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