He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
