Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Panties = found
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
