Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize