how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
