I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
