Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
