New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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