I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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