I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
