I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
