apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
