I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Randomize
