That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
