So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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