Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
