You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
