and you said cock pushups were impossible
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize