everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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