And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
