Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
