I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
