I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
