I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
