is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
