If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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