There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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